We have become very clever at selecting airline pilots.
First: aptitude tests — can you think?
Then psychometric tests — how do you think?
Then psychological tests — should we be worried about how you think?
Then come the medicals, interviews, simulator checks, background checks, licence checks and enough paperwork to establish that the poor bugger has been investigated more thoroughly than a suspected murderer. Eventually, after all that, we put him/..ok her also, in a cockpit and give him/..uff her, a couple of hundred people behind and say:
“Off you go. We trust you.”
And then something like the reported bomb-note incident comes along, with a first officer reportedly under investigation. Nobody knows yet what actually happened. That is what investigations are for. But one thing surely needs to be established very carefully:
Was it premeditated?
Did he sit through briefing, start-up, taxi, radio calls, take-off, climb and cruise, calmly waiting for the right moment? Did he write the note, leave it there and return to his seat, patiently waiting for his little adventure to be discovered? What do we call that these days?
Ah yes.
FAFO: For the uninitiated: Fuck Around and Find Out.
And while we are investigating, perhaps we should examine another aviation mystery; The Triple Hydraulic failure.. I wrote about earlier.
My simple request is this: if switches that control leak-measurement valves never need to be touched by a pilot, then treat the aircraft like a freakin crime scene. Preserve the evidence. Establish who touched what. Have the best forensic laboratory examine every relevant switch, panel and surface.
Fingerprint… Touch DNA.. The Works!!! One microscopic, nano-sized particle of someone’s DNA sitting somewhere it absolutely shouldn’t be? Why not find out?
The CBI/ FBI and whoever prides themselves with immaculate trade craft.. find out, burn that midnight oil, do a thorough, independent forensic analysis, not a quick glance followed by a press conference.
If the evidence proves deliberate interference, prosecute under whatever law applies. Establish intent. Establish responsibility. Follow due process. But if guilt is ultimately proven, please spare us the immediate rehabilitation tour. Send him/her to jail, because this is culpable “Homi on the Side”. Counselling is wonderful. Rehabilitation is noble. Preferably after a very long period of being somewhere else… Perhaps on Bigg Boss. Big Brother. Anywhere, really. Just not back in the cockpit.
“Flying doesn’t need this shit.”
Ok, I said it, as they say it on the street today. Because sometimes what keeps the whole bloody thing together is something far more sophisticated:
Common sense…. rather uncommon these days. The sort your grandmother provided free of charge. Perhaps that is the next big thing aviation needs to invent: A test that simply asks whether someone can look at a catastrophically stupid idea and say: “No. That’s probably not a good idea.” Now hang on, before the FAa give it an acronym, allow me..
CSMS: Common Sense Management System. There. I’ve saved aviation. Now someone, write the bloody SOP.
Captain Akshay
18th Sep 26
